I’m an expert mental tightrope walker

I’m feeling exceptionally borderline today; or lately, rather. I hate it. Certain things are HUGE triggers me for, and sadly, it’s things I’d love to have…I think? However, the mere thought of them sends me teetering frantically on the edge. It’s no wonder I avoid those things in real life, but I avoid the thoughts of them at all costs as well. What a way of life, huh?

I often wonder how fair it is that our biggest triggers are also our biggest needs.  I’ve been contemplating the thought lately, with all the latest “energy and FP” insight I’ve been gaining, if I can rid of BPD by just, simply deciding it to be gone? It seems unrealistic but by believing in it, is it not true? This one is tricky.

I’ve been fighting this for what feels like an eternity. It ruins a lot of things; if not everything; or so it seems. It definitely ruins relationships, or any chance of them, or any desire to have them.

I’m in exceptional internal emotional pain right now.


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