So I feel like over the past year and a half I’ve really started sprouting into the person that I am. This is going to make no sense to some, and total sense to others (at least I think).
When I was first diagnosed with BPD my therapist at the time had told me that emotionally I was about 14 years old. This was actually interesting because it was that exact age that one of the most traumatic life events happened to me and I guess it sort of stunted my emotional growth.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s my youthful character, my “immaturity” and sometimes age regression tidbits that I guess come along with BPD (or so I’ve read), BUT I seem to have this childlike enthusiasm. I get really super excited about the smallest things. I get hyper. I get antsy. I want to get into everything. Is this just me? My personality? Is it my new lease on life? Is it me finally coming out? The me that I’ve hidden almost my entire life and now she’s breaking out to experience the world and of course she’s just a young thing. It could be so many different things.
My whole point in bringing this up is that I’ve seen that this quality attracts people. Who doesn’t like to feel that wondrous, curious, adventurous excitement of a child? We all miss it; admit it. Why do we lose that? Well I haven’t. I’m only just now starting to experience it because I never really could before, and people like it. And through all of that, I’ve realized that I really really love to make people feel good.
I may have issues. I may be twisted. I may be a list of diagnoses on a mental health form, but I kinda like me. I’m quirky, and it works. Most of the time anyway.