I have BPD…I will win

I’ve never been a fast runner, but there’s one race I’d always win. If it were a race, that is.

One of the hallmarks of BPD is the intense emotional episodes, or rather the intensity of the emotions they feel as a whole. However, usually this is discussed in terms of the negative emotions the person feels.

I’ve found, though, that even my positive emotions are crazily intense. I hit cloud 9 multiple times a day over things that the typical person may just smile widely about, tell a friend, possibly post a simple Facebook status and move on. I get so happy and excited, fairly often, that I literally wear myself out. I have to calm myself down just as when the intense negative emotions hit. It requires the same amount of emotional regulation. Of course, though, I’d much rather experience intense happy emotions than intense fear, sadness, or dare I say it…BPD rage. (shiver)

I’m finding, which scares me a little, that when I’m in my intense positive emotional episode, I’m extremely vulnerable and my sensitivity is sometimes heightened even more so than usual (if that’s possible) to the usual things that people with BPD tend to be sensitive to.

What does this mean?

I can just as easily drop to 6 feet under, if not easier, but the fall is harder and further than when I drop from my baseline.

Cloud 9 to six feet under…let’s race. Go! I win.

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