I was really triggered this weekend. My friend came over and we hung out Saturday to Sunday. A couple of topics came up and I was really messed up inside. I’m not sure if he really knew. I mean, he knew that I was bothered but I don’t know how much it really showed on the outside? I managed to get distracted by something and I was fine the rest of the night, but at one point I wasn’t so sure how it was going to go down. I was on the brink of breaking down.
When I think about it, or think about certain things…it just terrifies me. BPD scares me. I feel like it’s this evil villain that just consumes me and tortures me for a period of time and it hurts so much. I think I’d rather be tortured physically. Actually, I don’t think, I know.
My symptoms are the worst in relationships and the thought of getting close to someone whether it be intimacy or even just friendship is a trigger all on it’s own. I just want to be ok 😦
I’m not ok.