BPD…you scare me :(

I was really triggered this weekend. My friend came over and we hung out Saturday to Sunday. A couple of topics came up and I was really messed up inside. I’m not sure if he really knew. I mean, he knew that I was bothered but I don’t know how much it really showed on the outside? I managed to get distracted by something and I was fine the rest of the night, but at one point I wasn’t so sure how it was going to go down. I was on the brink of breaking down.

When I think about it, or think about certain things…it just terrifies me. BPD scares me. I feel like it’s this evil villain that just consumes me and tortures me for a period of time and it hurts so much. I think I’d rather be tortured physically. Actually, I don’t think, I know.

My symptoms are the worst in relationships and the thought of getting close to someone whether it be intimacy or even just friendship is a trigger all on it’s own. I just want to be ok 😦

I’m not ok.


2 thoughts on “BPD…you scare me :(

  1. It’s ok not to be ok. Bpd is scary. At sometimes I feel like I’ve been handed a life sentence. I know distraction helps me though sometimes I do wonder when do I get to stop distracting myself and get to actually live. But we will get through this. Bpd may make us experience emotions in a deeper and more painful way but it can also make us stronger. Hard to believe when you are in a tough time. Keep going and try to cling on to even the tiniest bit of hope. I may not know you but blogging has helped me so much as I can see there are other people with bpd struggles and I do not feel so alone. Always here to listen if it would help. Hope today is better for you xx

    1. Thank you very much for your comment. Blogging actually helps me a lot too. Thanks for following me πŸ™‚ It is greatly appreciated!

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