It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’ve been hit a few times by BPD recently, but today was worse.
Today was more. Today I’ve been smothered, pummeled, beaten, kicked when I was down, and BPD just is continuously torturing me. I feel like it’s laughing at me. Like it wants me to die.
I haven’t felt this awful for so long. The pain inside is so severe I feel like it’s starting to seep out through my skin like an invisible disease and I just want to kick and scream and scratch and claw at myself to get it out of me.
I’m hurting. I’d rather be stabbed right now than go through this. I haven’t had the urge to self-harm for so long but right now I’m battling it. It just hurts so bad. I’m sitting alone in the middle of my bed and I’m so lost. I’m so confused. I’m so consumed with pain.
I wish it would just take me. Just finish me off, ya know? My mind is so clouded. I feel like I’m drowning.
Down, down, down….