Jack-in-the-box disorder…AKA BPD

This post is about how you tell a new potential partner that you have BPD (or any other mental illness).

This is not to discriminate against disorders or to say that mine is worse than yours, but I do believe that the effects BPD has on a loved one may potentially be more risky than say, just having depression. That’s here nor there.

BPD is like having an inner jack-in-the box. Except what comes out is neither happy, nor something that will make you laugh and giggle, close, and rewind to do it again. (In actuality, I find Jack-in-the-boxes to be rather disturbing, so this analogy seems fitting in my mind.) And just as with BPD, you never know when it will happen. The smallest bump of that trigger handle can bring it right out full force and there’s no turning back.

So here’s how it goes.

Girl meets boy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy back. Boy tells girl he loves her. Girl’s BPD says…”You should run. He’s going to hurt you.” Girl loves boy back but wow, this BPD really starts messing with her. Girl goes with her heart and tries to have a relationship with boy. POP! BPD introduces itself into the equation. Boy is frightened, worried, etc. Girl is ashamed and is certain he will now leave her. BPD laughs, hides, and does it’s jack-in-the-box trick again, and again….and again…

So my question is…how do you tell your new potential partner that you have BPD? I’d love to hear your stories, opinions, or advice. I’m an advocate of telling someone up front, but wow. How? And when exactly is the right time?

So hard. Please share!


2 thoughts on “Jack-in-the-box disorder…AKA BPD

  1. Hey there!

    Good question…no, really perfect question for us with BPD.

    My experience so far had shown me that there is no better way than to be really straightforward and tell the person with whom you are in the relationship your diagnosis.

    BUT, when to do that?

    When you reach a point of certain confidence and trust!

    I can FEEL when is the right time to do it, and I have never ever told anyone immediately on the start, because of fear that they will just go away by knowing that I have “some” psychiatric diagnosis.

    Let’s be honest, the people do not know, well most of them, what BPD really is.
    And they do not realize, that it is probably much worse than depression. You said that right! It is worse.

    None of my partners had left after I have told them about BPD. Why?
    I think because they didn’t understand the meaning of what BPD is really like!

    I tell them about what I feel sometimes, what I do sometimes…all of those little things of BPD.
    And the big things, like hospitalizations after pills overdosage.

    I always suggested that they Google, or search for more information about my health condition.
    But even after that, they thought it cannot be “that serious”.

    Well, it can.

    And when BPD shows up on the surface on some occasions, like separation anxiety, splitting, depersonalization, numbness, my poor anger control, or rare moments of self-harm, only then they realize that I really DO HAVE a problem.

    Non-BPD’s must see and feel on their own how it looks like in reality, and not just what is written on some page on the Internet, or what you have told them.

    Only then they could begin to understand.

    Only then the proper conversation can start about the diagnosis.

    Only then I can see if they will stay with me or leave me.

    My fiance is completely there for me when I need him. Or when I have a problem, or when I feel really bad.
    But even now, after two years of our relationship, after a quite number of my episodes of BPD outbursts, I don’t believe that he understands completely.

    Yes, he is there for me.
    Yes, he loves me and I love him.
    But the full understanding of my BPD will never be possible for him.
    That is my opinion and I have decided not to push him and try to explain him “some more things”. It cannot be done.

    So far for us it works pretty well, and we are planning a wedding.

    But sometimes, deep inside of me, I wish so hard that he could understand me completely. And I become sad, ’cause that’s never gonna happen.

    I wish you a good luck, and a man who will stay beside you even if you have the BPD.

    And that they will understand you and support you!


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