I’m in pain. I’m hurting. I feel so much. The emotions inside feel like a poison I’ve been fed and the only way to get it out is to give them a way out. I won’t do it because I haven’t for a long time and I’m not going to give in. But I just want to sit on the bathroom floor, and intricately slice an exit for the poison. Then I just want to sit and watch it escape while it takes with it the excess emotion, the excess pain, the poison. I want to watch it leave me while I feel myself start to take more of my life back. I want to feel the release and watch it flow calmly out of me, rather than the alternative emotional burst I’ll most likely go through. I want to control the pain that’s currently controlling me. I want to convert the emotional pain into a physical pain. A pain I can stand. A pain that dulls and ends. A pain that I can block out, put a band aid on, and watch heal. Help me, God. I’m hurting.