I’m so hurt right now. I feel so abandoned and uncared for. So I hopped on the internet to do some reading about BPD because…well just because. Then what do I find? Oh perfect. A BPD website created just for the “loved ones” of those with BPD. And what do I read all over it? How horrible borderlines are and how if you are with one, you better leave them as fast as you can.
Way to validate every fucking thing we feel and fear.
I am in such emotional agony I feel like I’m going to die. If my emotional pain were a physical pain, they’ve had to strap me down to a bed, put me to sleep and put me in a body cast hooked up to a morphine IV for the rest of my life.
Nothing takes this pain away and I can’t take it anymore! I’m going crazy inside and I’m trying so hard to maintain a composure that doesn’t reveal my crazy, but I’m losing the ability to hold myself together.
Then to top it all off, no one around me understands. No BPD specialized therapists in my area. No close friends who also have it and can understand. And no family members who give a rat’s ass to research it and try to be there for me.
I’m so tired of being alone, of feeling alone, of feeling like the dirt that’s brushed under the rug. Am I so unlovable?