If I lacked enough self control, I would currently be screaming in a fit of rage and throwing and breaking anything I could get my hands on until there was nothing left in its original form in this place. Then I’d get in my car, and speed off somewhere until I found a good place to drive off the side of the road to end my story.
I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF BPD. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYTHING BEING A FUCKING GOD DAMN TRIGGER. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A FUCKING BURDEN TO EVERYONE. I AM JUST SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING.
I WANT TO DIE. RIGHT NOW. THIS MOMENT. I WANT TO DIE. I WILL WAIT UNTIL MY KIDS ARE GROWN AND OUT OF THE HOUSE AND THEN I’M DONE WITH THIS LIFE. IT’S NOT FOR ME. LIVING SUCKS. I CAN’T IMAGINE SPENDING AN ENTIRE LIFETIME GOING THROUGH THIS SHIT AND HAVING NOT A SINGLE PERSON TO BE HERE FOR ME. I DON’T FUCKING ASK FOR MUCH. HELL, I DON’T FUCKING ASK FOR ANYTHING AT ALL. TO AVOID BURDENING PEOPLE, I SIMPLY LET THEM KNOW I’M HAVING A ROUGH TIME AND THAT I WILL BE QUIET FOR A BIT. HEAVEN FORBID ANYONE FUCKING REACH OUT A BIT FURTHER TO SEE IF THERE’S ANYTHING THEY CAN DO OR TO LET ME KNOW THAT I WOULDN’T BE A BURDEN IF I NEEDED THEIR HELP OR PRESENCE.
FUCK PEOPLE. FUCK LOVE. PEOPLE ARE SO FULL OF SHIT. “LET ME ACT LIKE I LOVE YOU UNTIL ITS NOT FUN ANYMORE, THEN TO HELL WITH YOU”. WELL, TO HELL WITH YOU TOO. IM SO FUCKING DONE WITH PEOPLE. WITH THIS WORLD. WITH THIS FUCKING LIFE THAT I’M CERTAIN IS THE EPITOME OF HELL ON EARTH. I WISH I COULD JUST FUCKING DISAPPEAR. NO ONE WOULD NOTICE OR FUCKING CARE. THEY’VE ALREADY MADE THAT CLEAR.