What do you do when you just feel sad? I’ve tried listening to music, playing with the kids, taking a nap…but nothing seems to get me over this overall general feeling of pure sadness.
I feel like I’m on the verge of tears but I don’t know why. I feel like I just want to lay under a blanket all alone in silence. I feel like it’s hard to breathe because I just lack the strength to keep inhaling and the sadness puts such a weight on me, it’s hard to fill my lungs. I feel weird. I look around and see life happening all around me and I feel so far away from it. Like, why does life seem to be so much different for everyone else? Why do I seem to experience it in such a different way? Why is it so sad for me? How do people stay happy, involved, but most of all, connected? I struggle to stay connected but I feel like I have no control over it. I think I am disconnected more than I am connected.
I know there are times that I enjoy life, its just so rare. I wish I could be that version of me all the time: happy, motivated, connected, “in the moment”, fun, smiley, enjoyable. There are days that I “stop and smell the roses” and I just enjoy life. I wish those days far outweighed my bad days…but they don’t. 😦 I don’t remember when I felt like that last. That’s not to say that it was a long time ago, I just don’t remember. Just like when I feel that way, I can’t remember when I felt badly, I just know that I previously did.
Instead, I’m feeling down. I feel sad. Uncomfortable in my own skin. Unloved. Tired. Slightly suicidal…not in a raging “I want to kill myself” kind of way, but more in an depressed “Sigh, I’d like to die” kind of way.
Is it bad that I pray for God to take me?