Going to the bathroom in the woods…

So my boyfriend texted me yesterday and asked if I’d go along on his camping trip in June. This is his thing. He’s huge into it and his business is built around it. He’s pretty incredible <<insert starry-eyed dreamy smiley here>>

Ok, I’m back. So, like any supportive girlfriend would do, I said yes. I really love this guy. I’m not against camping at all, and in fact used to go when I was a kid. My favorite part was always playing in the fire. I’m not as keen anymore on the no bathroom, no shower, let’s be one with bugs thing, but again, I love him. I want to support him and I think it’s really great (and baffling) that he asked me, and that he is inviting me into something that means a lot to him. That’s sorta big, right?

So now I’m nervous. Not only will it be the two of us, but all these other people that I’ve never met but who know him are also going. So here I am, having said yes to this camping trip which to me equals the following:

-Omg, I will have to go to the bathroom out in the woods, while I’m with the man I wish to find me sexy and to still want to have sex with me later

-Omg what if it’s really hot? There’s no shower…again, I’m not sure I’m ready for him to not find me sexy anymore

-Omg what if I get attacked by an animal? (Ok, that one I kind of threw in here. It has nothing to do with him, but yea this really scares me. Apparently we’re sleeping in hammocks, which is his thing, and we won’t be together like we would be in a tent. I’m needy that way…especially given the rest of the OMG bullet points)

-Which brings me to my next thing. Omg, the hammock. How the hell am I supposed to get into this thing? Is there a trick? Maybe I should just pull the “Oh I’m not tired. I’m good”, excuse. I need to do some research.

-Omg the people. I am not good at meeting new people…and not that many all at one time. I really hate being with a lot of people. I’m so nervous. Maybe I should take alcohol. Maybe this is a bad idea.

Put it all together now and this is what we have. A camping trip with the man who will no longer find my unshowered bathrooming (I think that’s not a word but you get it) in the woods self the least bit sexy anymore, especially after I’ve flipped through my hammock a number of times and ended up sleeping in the dirt, getting attacked by animals and then wandering off in the woods with said animals because I was too weird and nervous to be around other human beings who do know how to get in their hammocks and function around others.

For the record, this post is meant to be humorous. I find it funny, but the anxiety is very real and I really feel like I need to prepare myself and really have some plans and tools ready for my mental stability on this trip.


5 thoughts on “Going to the bathroom in the woods…

  1. Okay, first off, and don’t try to lie on this one, because we all know the truth:
    have you ever farted under the covers with him?
    Yes, you have, so the part about the bathrooming and the sweat is no biggie.
    That also was not meant to be funny.

    Eight people? I think I’d be more than a bit antsy myself. I don’t do well with any more people than I can fit at the dinner table.
    But if they’re close friends of his, you get to know them – then you get some more insight into him.
    A friend of mine who once met a kid I grew up with, who I hadn’t seen in over thirty-five years was amazed that she would be able to pick him out of a crowd because we shared some unique mannerisms, even in the way we spoke. Not just a regional accent (which I worked hard to lose), our timing, our phrasing. Everything.
    After sharing some time with him and me, she had no doubt as to why we named our son after this asshole.

    And camping? Out in the open? Under a starry sky? In the heart of God’s greatest creation (well, a close second to Baseball)?
    How much more relaxing can it get?

    You’ll do fine.
    And knowing him they’ll be able to see exactly why it is he loves you and they’ll all fall in behind.

  2. *hugs* it sounds like an adventure! Fun but scary too, and with that number of people I wouldn’t know whether to be most concerned about that or the animals!
    Anyway, if it were me, this is what I’d do for the bathroom situation:

    – bring two rolls of nice toilet roll. Once you’ve used half a roll at home, put it individually in a waterproof bag. Repeat for the second roll.
    – a massive packet of baby wipes, with a click lid.
    – the strongest mints you like.
    – dry shampoo (optional)
    – a fold-down shovel (depending on camping type – I feel better if I’ve hidden all bathroom evidence)
    – a she-wee
    – hand disinfectant gel
    – deodorant
    – shaver
    – a wash bag that you can hang up on a branch
    – microfibre towel
    – small stash of water

    Hope some of it is helpful! A good luck! I hope you enjoy yourself 🙂

    1. haha! Omg this is fantastic!!!! I love the ideas!!! They are great. I am going to bring these things!!! I will be the cleanest most classy woods-bathroomer there is!! haha Thank you so much!

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