So we are back together. I’m guessing you don’t feel an ounce of the relief that I feel at this moment.
Like a true borderline, I texted him again in the morning. It didn’t seem like it was going to go well at first, but after some talking we were able to get it resolved. I showed him a bit more of my BPD and what it does to me. I hate that, but maybe it’s a good thing. I guess it’s also a good thing that he took me back.
I need to make that a limit. I don’t want to do that to him. I’m really ashamed. When I finally saw him, I just felt awful that I hurt him. He really is such a good man and he’s never done anything wrong to me.
I also emailed my therapist about what happened and she replied with some good information as well. I feel so much better. We had a great night last night. I hate that I know that the time will come again that I will feel like I can’t bear the emotional pain about something or other, and the impulse to leave him will be right there, tingling in the tip of my fingers to send him a “We’re over” type message; or lumped in the back of my throat, urging my voice to scream out in rage that I can’t possibly continue in our relationship. Ugh.
Anyway, I’m trying to stay in the now while preparing mentally for that moment and what I will do to get through it without damaging anything, or anyone.
Thanks for reading me peoples. I appreciate it more than you know. The comments you all left to the incident I posted about were all so helpful. Thank you.