Epic Blow Job – Part 2

So we are back together. I’m guessing you don’t feel an ounce of the relief that I feel at this moment.

Like a true borderline, I texted him again in the morning. It didn’t seem like it was going to go well at first, but after some talking we were able to get it resolved. I showed him a bit more of my BPD and what it does to me. I hate that, but maybe it’s a good thing. I guess it’s also a good thing that he took me back.

I need to make that a limit. I don’t want to do that to him. I’m really ashamed. When I finally saw him, I just felt awful that I hurt him. He really is such a good man and he’s never done anything wrong to me.

I also emailed my therapist about what happened and she replied with some good information as well. I feel so much better. We had a great night last night. I hate that I know that the time will come again that I will feel like I can’t bear the emotional pain about something or other, and the impulse to leave him will be right there, tingling in the tip of my fingers to send him a “We’re over” type message; or lumped in the back of my throat, urging my voice to scream out in rage that I can’t possibly continue in our relationship. Ugh.

Anyway, I’m trying to stay in the now while preparing mentally for that moment and what I will do to get through it without damaging anything, or anyone.

Thanks for reading me peoples. I appreciate it more than you know. The comments you all left to the incident I posted about were all so helpful. Thank you.

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2 thoughts on “Epic Blow Job – Part 2

  1. When we were first married, there was one casserole that Liz used to make from her mother’s recipe. Tried it once.
    Didn’t go well.
    Tasted good, but the residual effects were catastrophic.
    I never ate it again.
    Liz’s feeling were hurt. It was her “specialty” handed down to her by her beloved mother.
    Then I wouldn’t eat it again, make myself a sandwich and Liz’s feelings were hurt again, even more so.
    Finally I just blurt out the truth:
    “Beans make me shit like a shark and fart like a power plant smokestack.”

    Problem solved.

    Just sayin’….

    I’m proud of you, relieved for you that you’re strong and honest and caring enough to open up to someone you love, someone who loves you.
    That’s at least as big of a step as start the DBT.

    Pat yourself on the bag, have your guy give you a big hug for me.

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