I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. He is handsome, successful, has hobbies, he’s talented, accomplished, he has tons of friends and people who care about him. Then there’s me. I know little about camping and hiking, which is only the biggest thing about him.
He said he told his friend that he was bringing his girlfriend along on the trip. She told him he was weird because he’d been seeing me for 18 months and I’ve never slept in a hammock. I’m trying to find the humor in it, but all I can focus on is that she thinks he is weird because I’M SO NOT HIS TYPE. Like, how could he possibly be into me? It’s like a rock star dating a girl who’s never heard of a guitar, or a zookeeper dating a sadistic animal abuser.
I feel so down. I tried to tell him how I was feeling and he didn’t say much. I hate when he does that. I can’t tell if it’s because he doesn’t know what to say, or he is afraid of saying the wrong thing…but all I hear is, “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT. I’M NOT SURE WHY I’M WITH YOU EITHER. I NEED TO RETHINK THIS. YEA, I SHOULD LEAVE YOU. YOU’RE NOT FOR ME.”
😦 Now I’m just terrified. Terrified that some beautiful camper hiker girl will come along, and she’ll know all these cool things about gear, and he will fall in love with her, and why wouldn’t he? She would be perfect for him. He would love her, way more than he could ever love me, and his friends would all approve so much more because SHE’D BE PERFECT FOR HIM. JUST HIST TYPE. Not like that girl who had never slept in a hammock. She was a joke.
I really hate me right now. The last thing I want is to be around that girl who already thinks I don’t belong, and she’s one of the two we are going with.