Can Borderlines love?

Love a borderline

I’m really hurt by this. I read often that people (without BPD) believe that borderlines are incapable of loving another human being. I find this to be completely inaccurate. I think we need to look at the definition of love which refers (per Webster) to the intense affectionate type feeling that you feel for someone.

If BPD is known for intense emotions that cover the entire span of emotions, who’s to say that the feeling of love is not included?

If you want to get biblical, the definition of love is actually a list of qualities or actions, all of which borderlines are very capable of. Yes, we exhibit a variety of behavior that go against these things at times, but so does everyone else at some point or another. We are no different than any other human being. We are just like them, but more so. We experience what they experience, just more so.

If anything, I struggle with love in the sense that it is very intense for me. Because of the hallmark of BPD, fear of abandonment, borderlines may resist love which may come out in their destructive behaviors. This isn’t because they don’t love that person, it’s because they do, and it hurts, and it’s scary. The fear overpowers the love and they go into fight or flight mode and are then only focused on trying to survive.

Remember our emotional age is rather young…very young. We do everything we do to the best of our ability, and that includes loving someone. Just because it isn’t measuring up to what you think it should be, or the level you think it should be, doesn’t mean we aren’t giving it all we’ve got, or that we are completely incapable.

I think the biggest thing that is forgotten here, is that BPD is an illness, not a choice. To say we cannot love, is like saying we are not worthy of it. Which is ironic because I believe that most, if not all, borderlines really only want one thing: to be loved.

I may not be perfect. I mess up. I unintentionally hurt those that I love when my symptoms take over, but I love; maybe even too much. I guess I’ll write this off as just another stigma or judgment against borderlines, made by people who are uneducated, unaware, dismissive, and judgmental.





5 thoughts on “Can Borderlines love?

  1. On a scale of 1 to 10, we love someone 1,000,000! So much that our hearts would burst from it. Would others be able to handle that? I think not! They don’t know how we feel. If they were in our shoes for just one day, they would never be able to cope with all the intense emotions.

  2. FIRST REPLY!!!!!!!!!
    (People always make such a big deal of that on all sorts of inane websites, figured I’d give it a try. No big deal, really. But, of course, I have a life.)

    what those morons believe about BPD is absolute bullshit,and I’ve got thirty-eight years of reasons to prove them wrong.
    And you are entirely correct.
    That unending, unwavering, unresolved fear of abandonment is what makes BPDs appear that they can’t or don’t love when it’s a matter of fear that can make someone scrupulously avoid falling in love.
    I mean, why bother? It’s not going to work out anyway.
    That’s the part for you to work on, little sister.
    And quit letting other people’s either unfamiliarity with or ignorance of BPD hurt your feelings.

    If I let every know-nothing nimrod I came across hurt my feelings, I’d spend every day from the Primaries straight through the General Election popping a minimum of five Effexor and seven Klonopins each and every one of those days.
    No TV, no standing on line in convenience stores, no reading bumper stickers, no Facebook and no websites aside from this one.
    And our Fantasy League Baseball, where this year I am the one looking like an idiot, but we’re not even to the All Star break yet and my pitching has to get better sometime.

  3. I like this post, for its just another BPD stigma relation.
    And I agree with Joyce, she commented before: “If they were in our shoes for just one day, they would never be able to cope with all the intense emotions.”
    That’s true.
    The problem with love and BPD is in the other feelings or non-feelings we have sometimes – splitting, numbness, fear of rejection.
    But when we love, we LOVE with intensity of a Big Bang!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and making the BPD more understandable to the people.


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