Salad or Frappe? So indecisive…

Sounds like an easy enough question to answer, right?

My boyfriend and I will often meet up during my lunch break once a week or so. We either grab salads at the salad bar in the grocery store, or we get Frappe’s at McDonald’s. I think he does it now because he thinks it’s funny, but as soon as the question comes, “Salad or frappe?”…




Does anyone else deal with extreme indecisiveness? If I were to make a decision, I think I’d all but half panic, and probably change my mind…a few times. I’m not sure what the problem is. Am I worried of picking the “wrong” answer?

From my own knowledge about BPD, here is my guess. We (considering I’m not the only one, though from my findings, this is a common BPD trait) lack that sense of self. This is such an issue, that I often times can’t even tell someone how I feel. “I don’t know” is most often how I answer many questions. It’s not a way to avoid answering. It’s not a cop out. I honestly truthfully literally do not know. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I’d rather eat. I don’t know if I like that. I don’t know what we should do for our date Friday night.

Having to actually answer, puts me in a frenzy. I get anxious, my brain starts racing, my heart starts racing, and I just want to curl up, close my eyes, and shut everything out.

Anyone else?


14 thoughts on “Salad or Frappe? So indecisive…

  1. Mandi,
    Yes, it’s a difficult thing to make decisions but think about how rewarding it would be if you made a decision especially on the “simple” ones. I know it isn’t easy but it feels so rewarding.

    1. Hi Gertie.

      I know, you’re right. I don’t remember what it was, but the other day I made two decisions in a row on some things that he asked me. It’s pretty sad (and I guess humorous) that I actually counted and was even aware of them at all. They felt like such milestones for me and I was completely conscious of the fact that I had decided on something all on my own. Twice! 😛

  2. I hate making decisions! Even the simplest ones can be so hard. Even though it’s not the end of the world if we make the “wrong” decision. What would happen if you ordered the “wrong” thing? Would the world end? No. But we still panic over it.

  3. I do that too! If someone is doing the coffee/tea round at work and I’m not expecting it, I get all flustered and change my mind at least once. To get the ‘right’ answer I have to imagine myself drinking coffee, tea, and the fruit tea. Then if I thought one seemed tastiest I’ll go with that… And if I don’t know after that I just guess. If it’s a restaurant I have to see what everyone else is ordering before I can decide. And even then it often ends up being whoever else’s choice sounds tastiest. Being put on the spot makes my mind squeak like a mouse. Or it feels like that’s what would happen?!

    1. Omg yes! Lol I often will follow suit if I don’t know what else to do. It seems safe to do or get the same as someone else, rather than going out on a limb a picking something all on my own.

      Such a scary world out there. 🙂

      1. Yes! I’m thinking, perhaps it’s partially to do with the struggles of how to handle difficult emotions? Like if I choose the wrong meal I will feel disappointed in myself, and jealous of whoever is eating what I think I wanted instead. And rather than potentially have to deal with them, I choose a safer option?

      2. That makes sense. Not to mention that if someone has a problem with my choice (if I were to choose my own), I’d be all alone to handle that. If I pick what someone else picked, and someone has an issue with it, I won’t take on the shame for my decision like I would have if I made my own.

        I hate feeling shameful. I feel that one a lot. Following others I think helps to avoid that one?? Idk if I’m making sense right now!

      3. I know what you mean about the whole shame thing. Hate it. Is it one of the emotions that borderlines are particularly vulnerable to?

      4. I believe it is, actually. I think the most common time that shame shows up, is after we act out. Once we are out of that “episode” as I call it, and we realize the destruction, we can experience a lot of shame at that time. I just know for myself, there are a variety of things that will make me feel shameful, and really it’s if anything about me is rejected by anyone else. I think that’s also why we are known to be like chameleon’s in social situations. Pair the avoidance of shame with lack of identity and you’ve got quite the recipe for a social blender. What do you think?

      5. I agree! My most common feeling of shame occur after I have been enthusiastically chatting with people. Once the conversation finishes I don’t know if I’ve been too loud, saying inappropriate things, and generally making a complete tit of myself. I have no concept of how I appear to others, but I can’t remember if this is avoidant or borderline, or both!

        I think I should feel shame after my hissy fits, but unfortunately I don’t! :-/ I have a lot of growing up to do…

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