Well here I am again. I’m really struggling. I just want to be ok. I am trying so hard. I don’t know if it’s apparent or not. I’m trying not to cry. I’m trying to make good decisions. I’m trying to be cautious of my behavior. But the truth still is that I’m falling apart so quickly. I can feel myself unraveling and I’m so scared 😦 I can feel it closing in on me and I just want to scream for help, but there’s no one to run to the rescue because no one gets it and I really don’t want to burden anyone anymore than I already do on a regular basis.
Everything is triggering me. Everything. Every facial expression people make. Every tone of voice they use. Everything everything everything. I’m ultra sensitive like at any moment the slightest thing will kill me. I wish I had a close friend, a real friend, who knew just what I went through. I’m in so much agony that I don’t know how I could even begin to express it to someone.
I don’t know what to do 😦 I’m having a lot of self-harm thoughts today. If it weren’t for this thing I am doing this weekend, I think I’d be giving into those urges right now. I wish someone could just hold me until it’s over. Tell me they love me. Kiss me on the forehead and tell me if will be ok. That I’m safe.
I want it to be over 😦