Idk what happened. Or what is happening. Or why it’s happening. Today is so hard. I woke up feeling numb I guess. I wasn’t sure what I felt and feel like I’m just sort of existing on autopilot mode. I am in a weird daze like mode with snippets of intense emotions that make me just want to burst into tears. Just as quickly as that comes, it goes and I’m detached and numb again. No one looks or feels familiar. Everyone looks and feels like something I could never possibly relate to and I’m the outcast that no one wants invading.their normal world. Maybe that’s crazy but that’s what my world is like right now. My “reality” which maybe has no reality to it at all. Who knows. I hate feeling like a stranger to myself and I wish I could get away from me. I’m uncomfortable and all I wanna do is hide until this is over. I’m mad at my therapist. I’m not entirely sure why. I just didn’t like how she sounded in her email but maybe I’m getting defensive and prepared for her to be disappointed in me for how badly I am doing. I try so hard but sometimes I don’t have it in me to keep trying and I just have to let myself be defeated while I try to get more atrength. 😦 I’m ashamed of me and I’m sure she will be too. And well probably everyone will be or is. My head is full of bad things. Bad memories. 😦 I don’t know how to make it go away.