Exposure Therapy and EMDR

I am putting this in a separate post because…it’s just a bigger deal.

My therapist has recommended that I find a therapist who does EMDR. It’s a form of therapy used for trauma and supposedly can be very effective. Whether I do this through EMDR or with her through exposure therapy, I will have to deal with this.

My biggest..BIGGEST…issue, is my dad. I’m not going to go into details because I can’t, but just about every trigger that I experience, is rooted in something with my dad and when I was little.

My sister is getting married next year in June. I know it’s a whole year away, but she may be inviting my dad. I would never put her in a situation to choose between the two of us. This is her big day and I want it to be what she wants it to be. I know, though, that if he is there, it’s going to be very hard for me. Not only will I have to see him with my eyes, but I am sure he will try to talk to me and hug me. I would rather pretend like we don’t know each other, and the very last thing I’d want, is for him to hug me or touch me by any means. I don’t even want to be near him. But God no touching.

My therapist (Let’s just call her T), T says that she will take me through exposure therapy though I should still do EMDR before the wedding because without a doubt, it’s just going to be very bad for me if I just show up and try to deal with that.

Just the thought of going through this makes me feel half sick. She said we will start small, not now but at some point, and I will need to bring in a picture of him. That I need to get used to “seeing” him without being pulled into the trauma and being affected.

This is going to be hard. My fear, outside of the obvious and she also stated this, is that I’m going to get so dysregulated in my appointment…and then the appointment will be over and I will have to go back out into the world. It’s important to really have good practice by that time with these DBT skills so I can handle the dysregulation. So…I guess I will need to put something in place for myself, something that feels safe and good, for when I leave those sessions.

I’m nervous, but that’s in the future. I’m going to try and not think of this anymore for now since I don’t have to. I just had to get that out.

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8 thoughts on “Exposure Therapy and EMDR

  1. Wow, this is really an open post…it must be really hard for you to go through all of that.

    But, let me tell you that you should, in some way, be happy, because the EMDR therapy is not available here were I live, neither is the Exposure therapy.

    And I have read about it, and I think it really works!

    So, stay strong and use all of the possibilities of your treatment!

    You will make it! πŸ™‚

    Tina.

  2. I have done a form of emdr with my therapist. Only done it the once and it was on a recent upset so nothing too deep. It did help a little but I think it takes a while to get the hang of it. I was really scared doing it too but it’s not as bad as you expect. X

  3. I can completely understand the difficulty that comes with the possibility of facing your dad within the scope of internal healing. Living with BPD myself, it was nerve-wrecking when I finally opened that door. I cried my heart out; it hurt so much. After I was done, I was able to move on with my life knowing that the dysfunctional subconscious my biological father had planted, nurtured, and cultivated, was no longer influencing my every move. You are not alone. If you would like to read about how I faced who I call “Bio-Dad,” I invite to read my post “The Master Culprit” (http://ladydelcarmen.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/the-master-culprit/). I’ve identified my blog as full-blown exposure therapy, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. Namaste spirit-sister. I am here for you.

    1. Hi. I really appreciate your reply. Yes, this is a very difficult topic for me. Sometimes I’m numb to the effects of him, and other times, the mere thought of him, or even seeing or hearing about someone else’s father/daughter relationship, is enough alone to trigger me into an emotional breakdown for days, complete with nightmares, borderline rages, severe splitting, etc.

      It’s also funny (coincidentally so) that you mentioned how you call him “bio-dad”. I had this thought this morning. I never feel comfortable referring to him as my dad, and often feel better referring to him as my father but even that I don’t like. He deserves no such title, and for me, he was just a sperm donor, or a sicko who only was happy to bring me into this world so he could corrupt and steal my innocence for his own twisted desires, while never actually playing any type of role of a dad or a father.

      I am going to check out that post. Thank you again.

      1. I just read your post. That was something. There’s so much I could say but I don’t think I need to say anything. I get you.

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