Does anyone else have trouble asking people for things?
This is basically a trigger for me. I’m not sure exactly why that is, so I think I may just ramble here until I get it all out or come to a conclusion. When I ask someone for something, I feel extremely vulnerable and like I am being a huge burden, no matter how big or small it is. I think I have this fear or assumption (or both) that the person is going to turn me down simply because I don’t deserve their help. The burden I’ve become by asking them for something, also I think makes me fear that this it what will bring things to an end. They’ll be so angry that I asked them for something, and so undeservingly (not a word), that they decide right then and there that they don’t want me to be a part of their life. Not to mention that I feel like I contribute and offer nothing to others. I’m really a very giving person, but I’m not sure if that shows, and I really don’t have much to offer. So asking for something makes me feel like I’m just taking, and I’m afraid they’ll feel like I’m taking advantage of them because I’ve given them nothing.
Does any of this make sense? Does anyone relate?
I had to ask for something today. I hate that. HATE it. And now I don’t like how I feel. I’m not even sure how I feel! I can’t tell 😦 I just know that I don’t like it. How can I feel better if I’m not sure what’s wrong?
Any my boyfriend is leaving for about 2 weeks to Hawaii. Tomorrow is the last day I will see him and I don’t know if that’s now starting to bother me more because right now I don’t feel good inside because of this asking for help thing, or if the asking for help thing has just brought the Hawaii thing to the surface. I can’t tell! I know it’s likely that I will create tension with him before he leaves. I don’t want to do that. I won’t do that. I just want to be ok. I told him I would be ok. I may have actually promised. Promise or not, I still said I’d be ok and that’s as good as a promise in my eyes.
I don’t know. I just really don’t like how I’m feeling right now and it’s making me uncomfortable.
K. I had to get that out. I’m going to go to bed and focus on my DBT skills til I fall asleep.