And he’s gone

Well, he is at his destination. I’m really happy for him and the opportunity and ability he has to take such a great trip, and to do something he’s been wanting to do. It really is awesome. But I miss him 😦

It feels weird that he is so far away. It’s like something in me knows that he isn’t close and there’s this weird feeling of disconnect. Like love is only able to exist if we’re physically close together, and when we aren’t, it disappears.

I keep wondering what it’s going to be like to see him again. Will it be weird? I think it will be. I have this fear that he will fall out of love with me while he is away. Like he will feel relief at not having me as a nearby burden, or that he will just forget me. I want him to come back so fast, but at the same time I’m not ready for it. I’m not sure how I will be, how I will feel, or what to do. I wonder what “normal” people feel when they’re separated from someone they love, and how they feel when they get to see them again.

I think if God would let me be normal for just one day, I’d be fine. If I knew what it was like to process things in a normal way, I could just copy it inside until it became natural.

 

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5 thoughts on “And he’s gone

  1. Don’t believe that anyone else in the same position wouldn’t feel the same way. The exact same way.
    They might just think their way through it a bit differently

    There’s only one white and one black.

    Pops

  2. Hey! Don’t worry… That feeling is absolutely normal. I experienced it every time when meeting her came closer after having been apart for some time… This feeling of it might be awkward, weird… Difficult to describe, but I know exactly what you mean!
    Just let it happen. It might even do feel weird for a couple of seconds… Maybe even a minute or two. But that’s it! πŸ™‚

    And… He won’t fall out of love. Quite the opposite. He will think of you the entire time. Trust me there! πŸ™‚

      1. It can really feel weird! I guess it also has to do with expectations we have to meeting the partner again. Thinking about how it is supposed to feel.
        Actually it is one of the things that make it beautiful! Having these doubts, feeling weird… But the feeling that you will get that the person that might even seem like a stranger for a millisecond, the awkwardness you feel will be just blown away by that very person… It’s pretty awesome!

        Not too well to be honest.
        More confusing than ever…. At the same time thinking I know how to lead that battle now… At the same time despair.

      2. I guess that makes sense.

        I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going too well. I know it can be very confusing when in a relationship with a borderline. Feel free to email me if you need to vent or anything. I hope it gets better.

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