Losing my grip

It’s happening again. Badly. I don’t know. It’s so bad. I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out or lose control. It’s so intense what I’m feeling. I don’t know what to do. I was going to text T but couldn’t even remember what her name was. I searched my contacts but am not sure if I should text her or not. It’s kind of late and I just don’t know. I could try and just be mindful and just observe but honestly it’s too late. It’s too late for skills. For the mindfulness skills. I’m way too far gone. I feel like it’s choking me and I think I need help. I don’t know what to do. I’m sitting here. Trying to just stay where I am. I’m so dysregulated I’m not sure I’d know what I was doing if I leave this seat. Like it’s controlling me. Mentally I am so foggy and I just don’t know. This is a really bad one šŸ˜¦ I don’t know what to do.

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3 thoughts on “Losing my grip

  1. I’m really sorry things are like this now. I wish I could help, but when I feel really bad all the skills go out of the window too. Is it from the move? Have you been able to sleep much recently? I struggle a lot with moving (to and from university).

    1. No. I didn’t sleep well last night. I was so anxious I felt real sick so it was hard to sleep and my mind was racing. Moving is hard. I’m enraged at my bf. I feel like he just completely forgot about me today. I feel like I don’t exist. I’m too enraged and dysregulated to be able to do a skill. It’s hitting me so hard and it sort of happened out of nowhere. I’m going crazy and I just wish something could take it away. šŸ˜¦ thank you for commenting. I so badly don’t want to be alone but one “wrong” anything from anyone makes me hurt more so I want to shut everyone out at the same time. I feel like bpd is killing me right now šŸ˜¦

      Sent via the Samsung GALAXY SĀ®4, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

  2. Sorry, I fell asleep. :S (It was 3 or 4 am here.) I’m really sorry things have been so bad. Moving sucks! I can totally understand why you would need your boyfriend to really be there, and I’m sorry he wasn’t. I hope he realises and helps more today. I hope everything eases off a bit to give you some peace.

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