I blab. I have no idea what this post will end up being about, so it will just as much a surprise to you as it is to me. I just feel the need to write something so here goes.
So I worked some OT today. They’re finally offering it so I thought I’d get what I could get before I change positions. God knows I need the money. Speaking of money…that will be my paragraph two. So my soon-to-be-boss visited my desk today and told me they’re ordering me a new laptop so I can work from wherever if I ever want or need to. How awesome is that? He also told me that they’re taking me on Tuesday instead of Thursday. I like how he is just telling my current boss how it’s going to be. I don’t care for my current group of supervisors, so this is entertaining 🙂
Money. Why do money-eating-monster things always attack me from all angles all at once? I know I will get through this rough patch. I will figure something out. I just get tired of constantly going through this same battle. Oh well. I’m taking some productive steps so fingers crossed.
It’s pretty hot outside but I can sort of feel Fall coming. Two seasonal triggers for me are when Summer turns to Fall, and when Winter turns to Spring. Spring and Summer sort of blend together, and Fall and Winter do too. But when the cold seasons turn to the warm seasons, and when the warm seasons turn to the cold seasons, it really triggers me. I don’t care to explain why, and in some ways I’m not sure, but I don’t like it and I suppress a lot of it. It happens every single year. The same thoughts. The same worries, etc.
I’m afraid to try for a therapist. God, can I really even afford the co-pays when they start?
A lot of songs came on my Pandora today about saying goodbye and breaking up. It was sad to me. I kept having to fight taking on the worry that it was a sign that my boyfriend was going to leave me. Does anyone else do that? I view things as “signs” all the time. If I am sad and worried about something and a song comes on about that topic, I view it as confirmation that it’s going to happen, or sometimes the song starts the whole thought process. I had to change the songs but was tempted to text my boyfriend and make sure he wasn’t going away.
BOYFRIEND. What a man he is. Today he texts me while I’m at work and asks me if I could step outside for just a couple of minutes in about an hour. My stomach sank. I said yea and asked if it was bad. He said it was good but my body felt it was bad. For the whole hour I could hardly work. I kept having to close my eyes and take deep breaths to keep from throwing up, my anxiety was so bad. He finally gets there and I go outside and out he pulls out these pretty white daisies and a new vase, just because he thought I’d like them. See them?! I was so happy! I couldn’t stop glowing. He’s good at making all the girls at work jealous 🙂 They smell so good too!
I should go to bed. I haven’t been sleeping much. I got glasses. Another sickening expense but I needed them. I work on computers all day. Between work and school, I’ve been on the computer probably a good 12 hours a day. Anyway, the exam was way worth it and the glasses are a big help. I can wear them all the time but I mostly need them for work and reading, driving at night, and the occasional TV watching.
Anyway, I expected more out of this post. I’m not sure what, just something more. I guess I should try to get to bed. My boyfriend is going to let me drive his truck this weekend for our super fun date to the demolition derbies that I asked him to go to with me. I’m so excited, I could roll around on the floor in a total giggle-fit. My favorite man is going with me to my favorite place and I’m going to drive my favorite kind of vehicle. I’m ecstatic! 😀 😀 😀 😀