Away and going under

So we are on our trip. It’s been very fun so far. I’ve had some moments or triggers that I’ve had to get through and I’ve managed. I’m in other rough spot right now and all I want is Panda. He is my most used self soothing coping mechanism and I’m not sure what to do in place of him. I just don’t feel good right now and I’ve got nothing. I just want to bury my face under Panda until I fall asleep and hopefully wake up feeling better. 😦 this one could get bad.


3 thoughts on “Away and going under

  1. I know what you mean about Panda.
    For the week that Liz was gone, everything around me and inside me feeling strange, I had Frodo. Before I would try to get some of the sleep I knew was hiding from me behind something, I would lay down on the couch next to him, with him as my pillow, and just kind of bury my face in his massive rib cage.
    Something about the scent of a Big Damn Doggies that makes me feel safe, secure. Even if he is ancient, deaf and really, really slow at his age.
    The comfort came from within, though. It took his double layer of fur to bring it out in me. Any feeling comes from within – the best of them, the worst of them. They might be either borne of your senses or memories, or they can be triggered by your environment, but the feelings have to come from within.
    I imagine that if you sit and open yourself to what’s going on around you, chances are you’ll find five things that reach out to you, at least one of which will bring comforting associations to you however disconnected they might seem at first.
    One of them might be sitting next to you or across from you having breakfast.
    But that feeling is there someplace.
    Just need to figure out what it’s hiding within.

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