Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

So the therapist for EMDR and I had finally managed to stop playing phone-tag and schedule an appointment. She is pretty booked and so it won’t be happening until Sept 17th, which is ok with me.

I found a mental health service that has quite a few therapists within the practice and I’m feeling really compelled to check with them for a therapist. They may even have someone who offers DBT, and I also saw one of them does EMDR. I’m starting to wonder if it’s better to see if I can obtain all of this through one place, through them.

What’s stopping me from checking? There is no “Email Us” option!!!! Phone calls only. UGH. I hate that. Not to mention the first question I will need to ask is…do you treat patients with BPD? That is the most awful question to ask and even worse to have answered, depending on the answer. Especially because I have to all but hide when I make that call because I can’t openly ask while at work, etc.

On another topic, I’m a little disturbed by something. Nevermind. I’m not ready to talk about it and bring it to the surface yet. Suppress, suppress. Get back down trigger and corresponding emotions; come back dissociation. I’m not ready for an episode.  


3 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

  1. Hey kid –
    this might be nit-picking, double-talking semantics, but I’d rather consider it as an alternate viewpoint.
    “I’m not ready to talk about it and bring it to the surface yet.”
    Nothing wrong with that. I’ve said it about my Depression and Anxiety, nothing as high caliber or hair-trigger sensitive as BPD but the thought still works:
    there are more than enough times the illness calls the shots, and if there comes a time you don’t want to have to deal with it, you’re just not ready to…
    all the more power to you.
    You need to be able to deal with it on your terms.
    “Suppress, suppress.”
    Nothing entirely right with that. In dealing with everything from civil rights issues to Mt. Fuji, there are things someone can only suppress for so long. Hell, you’ve got kids, so you know there’s only so long you can keep a toddler in “Time Out”.
    “Contain, contain” at least maintains someone’s acknowledgement of the problems.
    You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge, and holy shit…
    I sound like Dr. Phil there, huh?

    1. I know there’s truth to all of that. And really, when am I ever “ready” for an episode. There’s just a lot happening that is making me anxious right now and I guess in the face of being overwhelmed, I just want to put it all on hold. Idk.

  2. At least you know they’re around somewhere.
    I think you’ve heard what I say about my wife and her episodes: she can hear the sirens before the bombs fall.
    I think it’s more like tsunamis than bombs, ’cause those motherfuckers can cause just as much damage moving back out as they did coming in.
    To “put it all on hold” is not the same as trying to bury it. It doesn’t have to be an all-consuming thought, but at least it’s there somewhere: you don’t know when it’s going to hit.
    Sooner or later you’re going to have to board up the windows, get all the lawn furniture stashed inside and get your cupboards stocked up.
    But it’s good to just sit on the beach and enjoy the view the best you can whenever you can.

    I can remember all too well when Liz used to get overly anxious waiting for a panic attack to show up whether she felt one coming on or not.
    I’d talk her into going to the movies.
    Something with lots of special effects.
    Screw reality.
    Big, tall blue people running through the forests, islands floating through the sky.
    Helped her put things on hold.

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