This is by far my favorite book about BPD. Yea, “I hate you, Don’t leave me” is a great book, but this…nothing could ever possibly get you any more inside the mind of a borderline than this book.
When I read this book I feel like I’m reading about myself. There is so much about it that I relate to, its scary. She takes you along with her, through her life from when she met her husband, which really seems to be when all hell broke loose with her diagnosis, not a surprise, and all through her therapy until she is completely treated.
Things I relate to:
1. She locks herself in the attic – I used to lock myself in places. I wasn’t allowed to have locks on my doors growing up because I apparently had abused that privilege.
2. She runs away, which turns into a routine of “midnight runs” – Running away was/is a go-to of mine. I haven’t been in a close close relationship for a few years. My boyfriend and I are close, but we don’t live together. I wonder and worry like crazy, how much worse I’d be if we did live together. It scares me. When emotions get too high, I’ve been known to bolt out the door, shoes or no shoes, sufficient clothing or not, rain, snow, heat…it doesn’t matter. I’d run from where I was; inside, outside, in a car, in a store, in a parking lot. Sadly when my symptoms reach a certain level, I’m not able to think of or comprehend consequences or what the next step will be. The goal at that very moment is escape and/or relief, and sometimes that leads to the impulsive reaction of running away. Where I am and whoever I am with feel like a deadly threat, and I need to get away, NOW.
3. The “little girl” in her that takes over – I am all too familiar with this aspect. Throughout the book she talks about this part of her and ultimately what therapy provides for her, is healing to this inner-child. The child that never was able to grow up because she never got what she needed. So she learns to accept and nurture this child, which allows that part of her to grow up so she can heal and be whole again. It’s like the adult her is in battle with the child her, and she is learning to bring the two together.
Those are the three that are most distinct. Overall, I just relate to her so much. The way her moods fluctuate in just seconds. The things that trigger her. I think just reading some of this is a trigger to me because I know I’d react like a crazy if I were her in those situations. However, it’s almost therapeutic to me as well to read the things her doctor would say to her about those situations.
If anyone is looking for a book that they want to read on their own as a borderline, to read a story about someone they’d relate to and to hear about the person’s success with overcoming it, this is the book. I’d also recommend this book to loved ones of those with BPD. There’s a lot you may relate to as far as what you experience with your loved one, and there’s tons of borderline insight that may help to shed some light on what your loved on is experiencing during those episodes. Not to mention it is helpful to read the things her doctor tells her about her diagnosis.
I’ve read books intended solely for loved ones of borderlines, and they don’t compare. To be honest, I don’t find them helpful at all. This is the one. It’s raw, real, and brutally honest.
I love this book.