I meant to submit that “Today will be productive” post earlier this morning but there was apparently an error. Regardless, I just called to schedule with the EMDR therapist. Of course she didn’t answer and so I had to leave a message. My anxiety is going crazy. I’m shaking so badly. I guess I’m focusing on how scary I think it is and will be. T said it is scary, but I guess I’m focusing on the “what ifs” which isn’t being mindful. So I need to work on that.
Ugh I hate waiting!
Anyway, I think I found some other therapist options as well, but I’m not ready to call them too. I think I may wait until I see T again on Sept 6 and talk to her about it. Or maybe that’s my way of putting it off. Why am I so nervous? I remember being turned down by a therapist once because she didn’t want to work with a BPD patient. That hurt. I guess I fear rejection. I don’t know. And they always ask so many questions and I just get so nervous.
Mindfulness. Mindfulness. Mindfulness.