Today will be productive

So as it turns out, I’m already ready for work, way early. I was thinking tons about therapy stuff this morning, probably because I was thinking a lot about it last night. There’s this BPD book I’m reading. I’ve read it before but its my favorite BPD book out there. I may do a review on it soon.

Anyway, I’ve decided on a couple of things.

My boyfriend is away from yesterday until tomorrow. It’s not a huge “going away”. He is still able to text a bit. He had lunch with me yesterday and is having lunch with me tomorrow. How sweet of him to soothe my crazy by setting lunches up like that. Way to make the hit of his awayness less heart-stopping. I think it was a good idea.

Anyway, I’m going to focus on therapy all day. I haven’t been practicing mindfulness as much as I should be, and to be honest, I find it very hard to do on my own without T. When she’s leading me through and prompting me, I can do it. When I’m stuck having to lead myself, I just get lost. So today I need to work on that. My anxiety has been up and my focus has been scattered, so it’s a good and beneficial time to work on that and make any progress I can.

The second thing I’m going to do, is finally call that EMDR therapist and schedule my first appointment. I’ve been sitting on that for a few weeks. Actually, since right before we went on vacation. I haven’t forgotten, I’ve just been putting it off because honestly, it scares me. I need to do it though.

Third, I feel like I need to make another decision with therapy. I love my therapist and I know I need DBT. She recommended adding another therapist that I can see more during the week that is covered by my insurance. I currently see T once every 4-5 weeks. That’s not the way DBT was intended…nothing close to the 3 or so times a week it calls for. I can see the need for that. DBT is hard work and I feel like I almost backstep during the weeks I don’t see her. And who am I kidding, my life is such a train wreck it’ll take me the rest of my life in therapy, at this rate, to get to the bottom of everything and get repaired. I’m not sure exactly what to do here, but I need to do something I think. Even if it’s just having another therapist for in between my DBT sessions? No idea.

So those are my goals today. I have my batman bracelet and earrings in today, just because Batman is badass, and I need a little badass today.


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