…attempt to commit suicide. 10% of them will succeed.
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this statistic, but I’ve never really thought about it. Right now I am. That’s a very large number. 400 times the national average? Outrageous. If this doesn’t get people realizing just how much we suffer, I don’t know what will.
It’s ironic how the same object used to kill another in war or to get illegal and immoral revenge on another, etc…can look like the only means to salvation to someone else. While one person may see a ditch, another may see a peaceful place to drift off to their last goodbye. What looks like a dangerous set of tracks to one, may look like the perfect place to bear the force of the oncoming train to a final destiny where they will have to suffer no more, to another. What seems like the end of life to most, seems like the end of suffering to some. You say its a permanent fix to a temporary problem, I say it’s a permanent fix to a permanent problem. That’s the goal afterall: relief. You say I’m ending my life, I say I’ve never lived, but have only been trying to survive. What am I surviving for? To suffer? No thank you.
I’m not condoning suicide. I’m not saying I’m going to do it. I think about it a lot, yes. Mainly I’m expressing a viewpoint that most probably don’t think about. If I didn’t have my kids, I’d be gone. I would have spared a lot of people my burden. Suicide may mean death to you, but to me it often times represents a savior. Peace at last. It’s something when death seems better than living this way. I experience sometimes multiple times just in one day that the internal pain is so much I would trade it for death in a heartbeat; again if it weren’t for my children. It hurts so badly that it feels like it will kill me. Sometimes I just wish it would already.
I’m really tired of suffering. I don’t remember a time in my life that I was really ok, as in, without mental illness. I’ve always been “off”. I was born a victim and grew up to be a statistic of sorts. I don’t want to be a survivor. I want to live, but I don’t know how.