This is an excellent/interesting article. It’s about Paranoia in BPD vs in Schizophrenia. Turns out there are a lot of similarities. I am guilty of taking things very literally, or interpreting even the smallest things as some sort of message of something negative. If my boyfriend is rubbing my hand or something and suddenly stops, I instantly think he is trying to tell me that he is unhappy with me, or whatever I just said or did was bad and he just completely shut me off from receiving his love. It no longer exists.
Being alone. I also hate being alone. On the rare occasion that both of my kids are away, at sleepovers or something, I become so anxious and need to find somewhere to go. The thought of being alone in my house frightens me. Being alone is a trigger and often leads to bad choices.
The voices. I don’t hear voices like it sounds like a schizophrenic would, but I have the “voices” in my head. Its like my own worst enemy is living inside my mind and is constantly yelling at me. Degrading me. Confusing me. I can’t shut it up. It never turns off. Not even when I sleep.
Like Sid, as well, my environmental state often coincides with my mental state. If my house is cluttered and messy, it may be a sign that mentally I am very cluttered, and the worse the home is, the worse my mind is. Then when the switch flips and I’m all better, the home improves as well. I’m not sure which comes first, I just know its something I’ve observed. Though its not always this way. Sometimes I overdo it at home with cleaning because I can’t seem to clean up my mind. It’s like a mask. “No, I’m ok. Really. Look how clean my house is. I’m fine.” Idk if that makes sense but it does to me.