So I’m having a good day. Or maybe actually great. Yesterday was interesting. I lost it in the morning. I was so dysregulated and full of rage because, well lets just say it has to do with containers and ice packs. Yes, that’s right. Containers and ice packs pushed me over the edge. So much so that I took a half day off of work and left at noon. Well my boyfriend took me out to lunch. I was expecting our usual salad bar at the grocery store type lunch, but no. Mr Sweet took me to this nice restaurant and the food was yummy and we were flirting and laughing the whole time. It was so great. Then he took me to the store to try and fix the container and ice pack dilemma that had me so up in arms earlier that morning. They didn’t have the ones we liked so we just settled on ice packs and moved on. Even that little store adventure consisted of laughs and playfulness. Then he brought me back home. I realized later that we were only together for like…a couple of hours, but it felt like so much longer! Not because it was dreadful, but it was so full of amazing quality that it just felt hard to believe that all of that amazingness happened in only a couple of hours.
The other day we were talking about me and my episodes and how we can maybe prevent some triggering for me. It was a great discussion. He came up with this idea that we can maybe start incorporating more phone calls each day instead of just relying on texting. Texting seems to be a huge source of triggers for me. So we plan on a lunch phonecall, though I’m to keep in mind that it may not always be possible. So while he will try harder to keep me informed of when he may be unreachable, I will work to be more understanding if he doesn’t reply quickly to a text, etc. Well, so far, it’s been excellent. I don’t find myself going crazy with each text I send anymore, because my mind is set on lunch time. It just has really eased a lot of stuff inside of me so far and I think it’s working really well. The checkpoint phonecalls seem to keep him alive. When we only text, he becomes very unreal to me and completely disconnected. Hearing his voice and his tone keeps things all put together.
So today I was reflecting on how great things have been in regards to our relationship. It feels like they’ve been so good like this for awhile. Then I came to my blog to find out just when it was that I was last crazy…and SURPRISE. What?? Just like…two days ago?! I don’t even really remember what happened but I was shocked to read that it was only about 2-3 days ago. The part that saddens me the most, is that I know this won’t last forever. I so badly want to hold onto this, the way things are right now, and just preserve it so it stays like this for always. I know that’s not the case though. I’m sad because I know my disorder makes that an impossibility. A trigger will eventually hit me and I’ll be sucked back into one of my repeat episodes probably about the same thing I’ve flipped about before. That really stinks, but I’m going to enjoy this good stuff while it lasts. I’m still sad that my boyfriend is leaving tomorrow. I think mostly I’m ok but I think in the back of my mind I’m a little uncertain, or maybe just worried that I won’t make it.
Anyway, I’m finally getting more busy at work. I can’t wait until I’m completely knowledgeable about what I’m doing so I can work work work. I love being busy and while I’m not overloaded yet, I will be, and that is GREAT for me.
Well that’s it for now. 🙂