Positive Point of Reference

Today is September 19th, 2014. I turned 29 today. I wasn’t thrilled about turning 29. Well, I’m still not thrilled about it, but my boyfriend is amazing.

Today he picked me up from work for lunch. He was earlier than usual: 11:44am. he made me laugh with his tests, “HURRY!!!”, “Run”, “Don’t keep me waiting.”, “Now”.  As I was heading toward the exit, laughing, I noticed he wasn’t eve “here” yet but was just pulling into the parking lot.

He gave me a salty-vingary-chip kiss, just like the little animals in the picture I texted him this morning. I demanded he kiss me just like that and he did. 🙂  He told me about “Peter Pan” and the Indonesian purchases he’s dealing with. I had my fingers on the back of his neck while he drove and talked. I think he told me before that he likes when I stroke my fingers on the back of his neck like that. He’s so cute.

We went to the grocery store for salads. We kissed and held hands and were wrapped around each other on the way in and when we were in line. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me. We fit so perfectly. I loved that moment. It felt good.

We are lunch in his car like we usually do. I like that because we’re mostly alone. When we were done, he asked if I wanted my birthday flowers. I was surprised because I didn’t notice or see anything, but he got out of the car and got them from the back seat. He walked around to my side and handed me the most beautiful flower arrangement. Then he walked back to the other side again to get something else and came back to hand me this really authentic jewelry box that he got for me from his trip to Hawaii. All I could think was:

“Wow. He really does love me.”


I started to tear up a little. Mission accomplished for him. He got back in the car and we just kissed flirtatiously and he whispered in my ear, “I want to make love to you”. We kissed more and even talked a little about how things are going and how he is feeling regarding my current state with BPD.

It really hit me. “I need to get better for this man and for my kids. They’re beyond worth it and I am beyond blessed to have them. I am a complete fool if I let BPD steal away the very ones who can be and are just what I want and need. I think my boyfriend wants to keep me. I imagine so, or he surely would have left me already, and I’m sure my kids want me here too. My daughter told me today that I’m the best mom in the world and she doesn’t know what she’d do without me.

I need to get better.


4 thoughts on “Positive Point of Reference

  1. Read this twice. Smiled even more the second time.
    A few more posts like these and maybe you’ll finally start believing there’s hope out there which – in and of itself – is not enough to bring you all you need in life, but it’s what keeps you travelling towards those things.
    It’s what gets you to taking that first step.
    Then the second step….

    You know, it’s alright and actually highly encouraged to treat yourself with some flowers every now and then.

    1. Thank you. I’m going to try really harder, extra hard, to write with a more positive tone. I’m sure I will have my episodic moments that I will need to just let it all out. Overall though, I really want to try and approach my writing from the opposite side of things than what I’ve been.

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