So, I’m on a new path of making friends. My boyfriend and I were talking about it the other day. I feel so silly and immature, but it just is where I am with things.
Just as new as it is to me to be making friends, there’s something else very new about this. My boyfriend is really encouraging about it, and I guess in some ways he was sort of helping me along with what to day/say to some potential friendships at work that I sort of had been not responding to.
No one I’ve ever been with has ever been encouraging about my having friends. In fact, it often got me into a lot of trouble. It was hard enough for me to have friends, and then they’d scold me and team up with my BPD to keep me away from other people so I’d just be at home all of the time. It only intensified my fear of anything and anyone outside of the walls I lived in. Not like it was really safe in there either.
But here my boyfriend is, giving me advice and telling me how to “make friends”, and cheering me on at my successes. Again, I feel so silly that I even need someone to help me do something that seems to come so natural to most people, but it feels really good that he’s being so encouraging and supportive and helpful.
I’m not sure how I feel about making friends. A small part of me dreads it because I just worry I won’t be able to handle it or that they won’t like me, but there is a part of me that’s a little excited 🙂 Friends…friends…my friend…it’s just weird. I usually just say things like, “This girl at work”, Or, “Some guy/girl I know”.
I hope I can do it.