By here I mean here, in the place where I’m still “ok”. A couple of times I could feel it trying to get me, but I got away. Just this morning again I thought it was going to get me, but it didn’t! I texted my boyfriend and told him I didn’t feel good. He said a few things, just some positive reminders really and he said to just tell it to go fuck itself (hehe), and it worked. I held tight to the feelings I have (and have had for the past week), with how it feels when things are ok. I know that when I get into an episode, I am pulled SO much further away from everyone and everything, and it hurts so badly. There’s so much more fear and worry in that place. I don’t want that. I’d rather just not be ok inside, but still clinging to being here, until it passes.
Does that make any sense at all?
Anyway, it helped and I had a fantastic day. I’m getting busy at work. Mostly a steady flow, and my boss asked if he could give me more clients. In more professional words, I said “Bring it on!” I got an hour of overtime in, and I’m fully prepared to put more in when the work is there. Yay!