Shopping Fail

I tried to go shopping today. For nothing more specific than just knowing I need some clothes and god I need more shoes. It’s really a need. I don’t have much.

I went to the mall alone, as in, without  my kids. That never happens. I thought it was nice but it wasn’t. I really hate being alone and I really don’t like being out in public alone. I was alone all night. Both of the kids were gone. It was awful. I was anxious, paranoid, bored, and really scared at night to go to bed in the dark by myself. So pathetic.

Here’s the real problem though. I suck at shopping. Yes, I suck at it. How does one suck at shopping? I’m glad you asked. Because in order to purchase clothing for someone, you have to really know the person you’re buying them for. We all know this. We all experience this at Christmas time. There’s people you may “need” to get gifts for but you don’t know them well enough to be able to pick something out for them. What a dilemma. Will they like it? Is it really “them”?

I DON’T KNOW WHO I’M BUYING THESE CLOTHES FOR. I mean, my style just varies depending on what personality I am at any given moment, and when I go shopping, it’s like all of my personality versions emerge all at the same time. I could come home with absolutely anything. I could buy stuff a goth person would wear, and also have a conservative cute little blazer…both for “me”. I HATE THAT. My closet is full of random pieces of clothing that mostly all have nothing to do with any of the other pieces of clothing. I don’t know which personality to buy clothing for. I don’t know who I am!!! I can hardly tell what I like. I mean, everything I look at that I think maybe I do like it, it’s like it filters through all of these thought processes to figure out if I really do like it or not and if I should buy it…it becomes such a stressful mental experience, that I end up not feeling confident in buying the item and I leave it to move on to the next. Eventually, I’ve wasted SO much time and with each failed attempt, I get angrier and angrier and full of self loathe. Now I’m exhausted.

And this moves me into my next post…




3 thoughts on “Shopping Fail

  1. My wardrobe used to consist of tons of random clothing too. It could be very challenging to put outfits together and figure out what to wear every day. Then we had a house fire and lost everything and had to start over with absolutely nothing. I had someone with me who helped me pick out some clothes. They were all right. I guess they were “me”. As “me” as I’ll ever be (whatever that means!)

  2. I’m hardly an expert on shopping, which is easy to tell by my wardrobe, but I do alright for myself. Liz likes the clothes I pick for myself, especially the stuff that doesn’t have a Red Sox logo on it. I try not to pick stuff you would normally not expect for a guy my age, but I know better than to dress like some guy half my age either. When I was still working I used to get a lot of compliments on the shirts I wore, the suits I had to put on twice a week for court.
    But I can go into a store (mostly Ross or Marshalls) and have it all taken care of in five minutes.
    Thing is, I realized after years of doing it that I’d usually walk up and down the aisles, go back and pick out the two or three things that first catch my eye, and then walk through again for a second look.
    Always seemed to walk out of the place with those first two or three things, The first two or three things that caught my eye did so for a reason: I didn’t give them much thought.
    So I kept doing my initial walk-thru, kept grabbing the first two or three things, then checked out with those two or three things. Didn’t think about it too much.
    Kind of figured that if I walked into the office one day or came home one evening wearing a shirt that nobody including Liz had ever seen me wear…
    … I wouldn’t want them to have to think too long about how fucking hot I looked.
    For a guy my age.

    Wish I had made a lot more decisions as easily.
    It was over thinking those things that screwed me up.
    Sometimes you just gotta go with your gut.

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