FOOLED

I’m going CRAZY!!! I can’t believe this. I just want to scream “fuck everything!!!” I’m so conflicted. I don’t like how I feel. I don’t LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAVE NOTHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NO MORE WINE. NOTHING TO HELP ME SLEEP AND I JUST WANT TO BE PASSED OUT. I’M SO FUCKING ANTSY AND EVERYTHING IS RACING INSIDE. I’M ANGRY. ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. WHY GOD, FUCKING WHY. WHY DID MY OLD THERAPIST NOT TAKE INSURANCE. SHE WAS HELPFUL FOR ME. IT WAS GOOD. SHE UNDERSTOOD. BUT NO. HERE I AM. CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR HELP. I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FOOL. WHY DID HE LIE? WHY DID HE SAY THAT AND IT WASN’T TRUE? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

WHY.

WHY.

WHY.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I’M SO UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ME RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM ME. I HATE THESE FEELINGS. I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY. I WANT THEM OUT OF ME. I WANT TO THROW THE BIGGEST TANTRUM!!!!

I FEEL FOOLED. THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE. THERE’S NO ONE ELSE. 😦 😦 😦 😦 😦 😦

MAKE IT GO AWAY

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One thought on “FOOLED

  1. Is there absolutely no one else you could try? Maybe you could ask around, ask your doctor, travel slightly further for appointments? I know you’ve been looking really hard, but I am concerned for you: He had no reason to lie and would have built a better trusting relationship through honesty and openness; He doesn’t sound like he is really addressing your problems (irrespective of considering you in terms of a BPD diagnosis). Can you check his qualifications?
    I am really, really sorry things are the way they are with regards to this. I absolutely hope you find someone else who can better support you and, importantly, whom you can trust!

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