Somewhere in the Middle

Physically: I’m sick. I have a cold that tricked me into thinking it was going away before it came back again. I think I have a sinus infection, which really stinks, but it could be much worse. My stomach feels a bit sick here and there but there may be an explanation for that other than illness; or maybe it is illness. I’m not sure.

Mentally: I’m…quiet? My mind doesn’t seem near as race-like today as it usually is. Maybe it’s because I’m sick and so everything sort of slows down. I don’t know. I just don’t feel as mentally preoccupied with the goings on in my head today. It’s nice. I think I am mostly content today.

I had an interesting night. I started a little chaos at McDonalds last night. Well, I didn’t really start it. The manager started it, and I finished it. Here’s the problem: I take a lot of crap from people. I have a short fuse but when that fuse reaches the moment of explosion, I erupt on the inside usually. Last night after given some unnecessary and uncalled for and very misdirected attitude and blame from the McDonald’s manager, I decided to let her have it; verbally. I think I erupted quite appropriate actually.

I blew enough of it outward that I got my point across and communicated my personal expectations about how I want to be treated, without blowing my entire top and reaching my own level of inappropriateness by swearing or hurting her. I may have been able to have taken down one more notch or so, but overall I did well. I’d say it was a great successful attempt at finding a middle ground on something I usually struggle with. Usually I walk away and belittle myself inside, or I scare the person with my explosive rage, name calling, etc.

Now today I just feel….better.

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