This is one of the bonuses to not having friends. You can be whoever you want to be at any given time and there’s no one there to call you out on it.
Speaking as someone who really has no idea who they are and struggles with this, becoming other personas isn’t even you being a fake! You truly don’t have a solid persona and when you change into these alter egos, they’re actually in a sense, the real you. For a period of time anyway.
I used to drastically change my hair color and cut and how I dressed, every time something major happened in my life. A breakup. A “breakdown” as in an emotional breakdown. I think what it really came down to is that it got so painful being who I was, that I would decide to become someone else so I could get rid of the pain. Start over. And everything that happened, all of that painful stuff, belonged to someone else that had nothing to do with me.
Sadly, each persona ended up being the same fucked up confused girl. And I’m sure this method of coping is very unhealthy. I’d make impulsive and rash decisions and completely change my world. Rid of people close to me. Go places I never would go and never go to the places I used to frequent.
I’m feeling that. The new year is coming. New hair colors are on the way. I hate me and this life and so maybe I’ll just be someone new.