It’s me. Your little girl.
Remember that time when we were in church, and you were ushering and they dismissed the kids to go to their children’s service, and I ran out but ran back to give you a kiss and a hug? I remember that day vividly. One of the few moments in my childhood that I remember but I remember it because it was me allowing myself to be the daddy’s girl I always was and needed to be, but never fully could be.
Here I am, 29, and I still have that little girl inside of me, that Daddy’s girl. It’s sad that you were always too consumed with mental illness or addictions to be the Daddy that I needed, but I love you anyway. Like a child I find myself forgiving you for everything, being resilient and still wanting to be that little girl who just loves her Daddy, and is loved back by him.
I wanted to be your world, but your world was dangerous, busy, and full. Even though you’re gone, I somehow feel like I finally get to be that Daddy’s girl. You’re healthy and happy and no longer weighed down with your burdens. You can fit me in now, more than you ever could.
I miss you a lot today. I’m sitting in your chair, hugging your jacket, shedding many tears. Tears of sadness and tears of happiness.
I love you, Daddy. I can’t wait to see you again.