I debated writing about this because I’m very passionate about it but I decided to.
I just went to see the movie last night. I read all three of the books and am ready to read them all over again now that I’ve seen the movie. I love the love story that it entails. To me, it’s way more than some erotica novels or at all about the sexual scenarios. There’s a love story in there. The lifestyle that intertwines it all together is something I’m familiar with, passionate about, and understand. I love it.
I love how he changes to mold with her, and how she changes to mold with him and they end up in this perfect scenario for both of them.
Now, about the lifestyle. I love it. I often question why and have wondered if I’m bad for liking it and wanting it. All I can come with is that it’s intense. I am an intense person and I think without the intensity that lifestyle brings, I tend to become very unsure of what my partner is feeling for me. With the lifestyle, it is very clear. If you’re being punished, you know they’re unhappy, you did something wrong, and it’s being communicated. When you’re being rewarded even so much as being called a “good girl”, it’s again very clear that the other person is happy with you. I crave that.
Again, I debated writing about this because I am very passionate about it and it’s a very debatable topic.
I miss the elements of that lifestyle. I miss the clarity of it. I’m such an anxious, overly-analytical, insecure person, and in some ways I think that lifestyle helps me in those areas. I’ve wondered if it hurt me at the same time. I could never fully tell. I’m not sure if I should talk about this with my therapist or not. I don’t know.
Just seeing the movie really made me miss it. The feelings that come with it. That feeling of knowing you’ve made someone happy and while some may feel it is a twisted way of making someone else happy or that you shouldn’t have to “make someone happy” like that…I love it. It’s a mutual agreement that each person will hold a certain roll and each balances the other.
It just works.