Backtracking Pt 2

I sorta feel like giving up on things. I’m tired of worrying all of the time and being so insecure about losing things and people. Mainly my boyfriend.

I’m tired.

Why is this happening? I was doing so well for probably the longest I’ve ever gone and here I am back at square one. I think I’m destined to be alone. Not cut out for being loved. I’m not even sure I know what that means. To be loved. Why does it seem to hurt? Everything hurts.

I just want to feel good but that doesn’t seem like an achievable goal for me.

I give up for today.

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One thought on “Backtracking Pt 2

  1. I’m sorry it feels like this, but you probably aren’t back at square one. I found that the relationships I had the most insecurity in were the ones in which I cared deeply about my partner, so I felt I had something to fear losing. Can you talk to your therapist about your worries? I absolutely believe you are cut out to be loved, but you probably lack experience of a stable loving figure, whose care you can trust in. (I don’t know your personal history well, so I am sorry if this seems presumptuous.) I understand the feeling that love hurts. I have spent a while since someone did something nice for me trying to comprehend what I feel about it, and fighting thoughts that they must have some darker agenda, and trying to convince myself it is possible to care about me. But I strongly believe that having steady caring figures in one’s life for long enough can help to build a sense of trust in others and in one’s own self-worth. (It comes from Object Relations Theory.) I wish you all the best. x

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