Temporary Departure = Abandonment

I’ve been doing really well with this for awhile but for some reason it’s started affecting me again.

I used to be horrible when my boyfriend would have to go. When he’d leave after spending the night, I’d sit in my bed in a panic attack and just cry, feeling like he didn’t care and like I’d never see him again.

That has gotten a lot better and now, especially with my sleeping meds, I just fall right back to sleep and hardly give it a second thought.

The past week or so has been hard again. We went out for brunch and when it was time to say goodbye, I had to walk out to the kitchen so my daughter wouldn’t see my tears. I saw him again at the mall later, which was awesome, but again when it was time to say goodbye, I felt like my heart had been ripped out, stomped on, and just mangled.

Now here I am, it’s about bedtime, and I’m just sad. I want him. I need him. I wish he could be here all the time. I don’t like this needy part of me and I hate when it’s present because it just hurts.

I missed a dose of my mood stabilizer two days ago so I’m wondering if that is the cause. I don’t know.

I need him and I’m aching all over inside…and he has no idea.