Searching for Safety

Well here I am. Back in the slumps. I really want to say “Fuck you meds” but I know that’s not the answer. I need to go to therapy but I’m furious with them. I wish I didn’t have a reason to be here so I could go back to the hospital. I’m holding so much crazy inside it’s indescribable.

I don’t even know what’s going on and why this is happening. Maybe it’s my relationship. I’m so terrified I’m going to fuck everything up. He will leave me. He won’t tolerate my symptoms and that will be it. Just like usual. He says he loves me more than anything but I can’t even imagine that.

I’m feeling suicidal right now. I want to self harm, die, disappear, anything. I want to be safe 😦 Where is safety? There’s no way to get away from me.

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2 thoughts on “Searching for Safety

  1. Hang in there. Relationships are a huge emotional strain. But each one can be a learning experience. Today’s emotions are only temporary with BPD. Try to find a good memory and just think about it all day.

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