Am I loveable?

This has been a question I’ve been asking myself my entire life. And the more life goes on, the more I believe yes but at the same time believe no.

I’ve come to know myself more and more and to appreciate and even embrace who I am. I’m funny, witty, can love the shit out of someone and am loyal to a fault. But then there’s the BPD. The ruiner of absolutely everything. It’s like the elephant in the room. Or more like a beautiful but vicious demonic panther.

Over the past few years, men and relationships have failed me. In so many ways. Lately here I’m really starting to feel like it’s just not a possibility for me to be loved and to be in a healthy long term relationship and yet it’s all I want.

Do I deserve a chance? I think so. Does BPD allow me that chance? Not really.

To be continued…