Please God, take me

I’m feeling very suicidal. I tried to tell my boyfriend but he just told me to stop. Way to help. I’m just so done with everything. I don’t care anymore.


8 thoughts on “Please God, take me

  1. Hello Mandi
    Things sound dark where you are right now – a dark place with a heavy load to carry and no rest in sight.

    I do not believe in God but you say that you do so I will say a prayer for you; for a future on this earth where you feel safe, secure and loved.
    M x

      1. Thank you for replying. I think you’ve said before that medication can help so I hope you can get this sorted out. You’ve also said that saying you are okay often doesn’t mean that you are okay but I hope it does mean that you are more okay than you felt at the begining of the week.

  2. Hi Mandi, I’ve just come across your blog. I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD. I know what it’s like to feel suicidal. Please try to remember that you are sick, you have a mental illness. Your illness is telling you lies about yourself, about your life. Fight it, pick up the phone and call good samaritans. Go to A&E, tell them you are suicidal. Find people that will help you when you can’t help yourself. Just give it one more chance, fight one more day. I’ve read some of your posts and they are inspiring, please continue to help and inspire others with BPD.

  3. Hi Mandi,
    I’m really sorry you feel like this. I also apologise if my comment offends you in any way, or if it is just plain unhelpful. I hope very strongly that it doesn’t make anything worse, and please delete it if it does. I can’t understand exactly how you’re feeling, but I go through (reasonably regular) periods of deep, suicidal depression, and for me it feels like the worst thing and that I can’t possibly keep going through it. But, somehow, I do (although I never make promises about the future, and don’t expect others to). And I think that, for me, as I work more to process the trauma of the past, the depressions get less frequent, and less prolonged. I’m saying this because I think that things will get much better for you. Maybe not forever, but I really do believe that this very dark place is only temporary, but studies show that depression distorts a person’s thinking so they remember bad memories more than good ones, and, hence, everything is distorted to be even darker. Sometimes I also like to think of the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross curve: It gives a cycle of how a person responds to loss, or, even, just to change (since I believe all change involves some loss of the old). When I am afraid, or sad, or depressed, sometimes it relates to something that has happened, or I think will happen, even if this thing is the trauma of my childhood, and the curve gives me the perspective that I am going to face some darkness as I grieve this loss/change, and then I will start adapting (could be learning new coping strategies, or just really recognising a need to be a little more separated, emotionally, from my parents) and everything will go back up again. Also, I don’t know if it will help you, but Matt Haig wrote a piece called “Reasons to Stay Alive” from his experience of being suicidal, which you can find online if you google for it.

    I’m sorry if none of this helps. I won’t tell you that you have some sort of “obligation” to keep fighting. I can’t know the pain you’re in. But I do know that you have inspired me in the past with your blog, and I think you have a huge amount of worth as a human being, and a lot to offer to the world. I hope you will keep fighting for life, and for happiness, even though I cannot understand your pain. Sending you lots of love. ❤ xxx

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