Hi to everyone who reads my blog. There’s something I’d like to talk about. I’m not typing this to start arguments or to make anyone feel guilty. Just as a head’s up.
My blog was initially created for myself as a journal. I realize it’s public and I never had a problem with anyone reading my posts, though I never thought it would lead to so many reading it and not only following it but commenting on specific posts and asking for advice, etc. Which by the way, I have no problem with that either.
When I respond to comments by “nons”, I do my best to be sure I don’t seem like I’m taking sides. I try to be cautious that I am acknowledging the pwBPD and what they’re going through, while also acknowledging how it is affecting the “non”.
However, I’ve noticed that when the “nons” start commenting to each other’s posts, I feel like things start to become a little insensitive toward people who BPD and how they’re being “crazy”. As someone with BPD, this can be a trigger for me. The last thing I want is for my own blog to become a trigger. Not only for me, but other people with BPD who may be reading the comments.
Yes, I make jokes in real life about being “crazy”, but that’s how I cope. I make jokes about myself. Inside, I’m hurting. I hate that I’m “crazy” and I hate that I have BPD, and I hate how it ruins my life and the lives of others who may just want to love me.
So, please be careful of what you are writing. If you want to have a conversation among each other where you can just get stuff off of your chest about people with BPD, please don’t do it here.
There is a website called bpdfamily.com and I have read how ridiculed and degraded people with BPD are. I know we are not easy to love. I understand that some of you may be very good people and have truly good intentions and it’s not fair that you are getting the brunt of our disorder. We crave and fear love all at the same time. We are a challenge for sure. But please don’t forget that we are suffering and while we do and say things that may hurt you or push you away, we do deserve to be loved. Just like everyone else.
So to summarize, my blog is first and foremost, a place for me to vent what I am going through. If it happens to entice you to want to learn more or ask questions or share your experiences, that’s awesome. Let’s just be mindful.