Medication update…

So I went to therapy yesterday and told him about my latest med issues. Have I talked about it yet?

Basically, I’ve been having INSANE nightmares where men are coming into my house and are raping me and attacking me and pulling me out of my bed to the floor. They’ve felt so real that I’ve woken up, called my boyfriend in a panic in the middle of the night, and have actually checked my body for signs that these things actually happened.

He slept over the one night to see if I was awake or sleeping when this stuff was going on because I felt like I was awake. Well I had another mild episode of it and he said I was sleeping but was making sounds.

SO, I called my doctor to get in as soon as possible for a med change. Well she is on vacation and I can’t see her until Aug 9th. I got a list of local psychiatrists from my insurance, and NONE of them are taking new patients. My current doctor doesn’t get along with my therapist and so she won’t take any of his recommendations. So I called my dr’s office back and requested to see a new doctor that will hopefully be willing to work with my therapist OR will just listen to me. I know what I’ve taken before and what works and I just wish someone would LISTEN.

Yea, right now, I just want to throw my hands up, middle fingers in the air, scream “fuck you” to the world, and blow my fucking brains out and then see who finally pays attention.

“Oh…if we had just listened to her…”


5 thoughts on “Medication update…

  1. Hello Mandi
    I read your post about medication and nightmares first. This sounds so hard – you don’t even get to rest when you are asleep 😦  You seem to say that you are already sorting this out as you’ve asked for a new doctor who will hopefully listen. Your health seems to be in other’s hands even though you know what works.

    I then saw that you’d written an earlier post. It seems that you can take no more from people not supporting you, criticising and judging you (plus car problems) when what you could do with is a helping hand.

    It is good (I think ?) to see that your boyfriend slept over to help and came to move your car, you seem to say that he is not as supportive as you need (just rolling his eyes over the taped note and previous post about the joke at your expense ) but from the little I see it seems good that he’s there for you sometimes. I hope that sometimes does help.

    I’m sorry things are so hard


    1. Thank you. He’s a good guy. He brought up the note again later and just said he didn’t want to upset me but that maybe the person wasn’t trying to be mean and it may have been innocent and I potentially would be giving a bed rep of myself to someone who didn’t already have anything against me. After I cooled down, I trashed the note. Not worth it. I’m just exhausted. I really…really…don’t want to exist anymore. I’ve marked a day on my calendar.

  2. You have an exhausting life -particularly so at the moment it seems due to your meds.

    Please could you tell me the date marked on your calendar?

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