So Jaye said:
My BPD ghosted me 2 years ago right after she moved in and we ordered our wedding rings…we never argued or fought ever! then one day, poof. An angry text from out of nowhere telling me she moved out..I have not heard anything from her since then (though there have been some online and phone ‘stuff’ that was likely her).
I am largely over it but I am still amazed by it all and wonder about this or that. I know that she does not have a replacement for me. Does she think about me? What goes through her head? I realize everyone is different even with BPD, but what would your perspective be?
These are just my own thoughts and may or may not be right or wrong. I hope it provides some insight.
First, I’m very sorry to hear that this happened. I don’t know what your relationship was like but it sounds like things were fine and then “poof!” So I put myself in her potential shoes and here are my thoughts.
Leaving was obviously an impulsive move so we do know that something happened inside of her. There may or may not have been something you did that triggered her and caused her to react by leaving. It could have simply been that being loved was just too much to handle. We don’t think very highly of ourselves and I think it is safe to say that many of us don’t know how to be loved. It could have overwhelmed her and fight or flight kicked in and she impulsively “left before she was left”.
Or maybe she was trying to save you from her?
I know for myself, there have been moments that I’ve thought about breaking up with my boyfriend. I happen to know it was all triggered by my illness but there have been a variety of reasons but they all come down to my illness. If I left him, I guarantee I’d check up on him. He’s a great guy. I’d even be mad at him for moving on if or when he did. It’s almost like it’s safer to love someone from a distance because being emotionally close to someone, hurts us tremendously. I am very happy in my relationship, but it kills me. Relationships are hard for me. Very hard.
She clearly has thought about you if you believe her to have tried to contact you or whatever the “stuff” was. I’m sure a lot goes through her head. It’s a cycle and her thoughts and feelings about you most likely shift with the cycle of her illness. There may be times that she hates you for “letting her go”, or she self-punishes in some fashion for being such an idiot and leaving you, or she may feel safe at the separation and no more chance for potential hurt or at times she may feel nothing at all. I think those are some of the major phases.
I’m not happy with my answer to this question but this is all I’ve got right now. BPD is complex as hell.