Can’t I catch a break?

I thought I was starting to feel better but I guess I was just being stupid and manic. I should’ve known better.

Here I am ready to die again. This is so ass backwards. I am so angry I don’t even know what to say. So angry at how unfair this all is that I have to live like this.

I don’t know why I attempt anything in life. I want nothing. I want to disappear and fade away into death. Out of this shitty game people call life.

I know life isn’t fair but fucking seriously.  Why would you allow some people to live being genuinely able to be happy. People that could never relate to or understand an ounce of what I go through. And then completely rid others, like myself, of being able to fulfill daily fucking functions without such immense emotional and mental suffering.

I am so angry that each breath I take makes me even more livid that life has gotten over on me for yet another breath of this shitty fucking life.

Fuck you life. Fuck. You. Fuck everything. I want to slit my fucking wrists and watch myself bleed out until my body gives the fuck up. I’d love to watch myself die. To feel it. It will be the happiest moments of my entire fucking shitty ass fucking life.

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One thought on “Can’t I catch a break?

  1. Hello Mandi
    I’m so sorry to hear that your improved mood didn’t last or doesn’t seem real now and that things are so awful that you crave the relief of death.

    Yesterday I revisited some of your posts from Aug ’14 – Oct ’14 about Mean Girl and Little Me (which are so helpful). If this was my experience I think I would be raging at them and life and I would not last long. Which made me think that you have coping skills I do not have.

    I can’t say anything to help, you are the expert here at coping, but I do try to understand and keep wanting the best for you.
    M
    x

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