It just never lasts

I was fine. Not just fine. I was good. I was actually good!!! Then one little thing and now I’m all fucked up in my head!!! I can’t stand it. I don’t want to be fucking touched. I don’t want to be looked at. I’m like at least an hour or an hour and a half away from home and I’m ready to walk with my gps and go the fuck home. This is torture. No one gets me. They don’t understand how they affect me. Why do I have to be like this? Why do they have to be like that? 

I feel fucking done with everything all over again.

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4 thoughts on “It just never lasts

  1. On no 😦 I’m so sorry that the good feeling has gone and that you feel tortured. I can relate to not wanting to be seen, for me it was always a shame thing. I hope you got home safely.
    M
    x

  2. Sorry that you feel this way. I get you. I find dealing with people so difficult that I spend as much time as possible on my own. Like you, Iv’e always got to fear the little things. Something they say, a tone in their voice, a look in their eyes, a lack of a look in their eyes, the list goes on…….all can have a devastating impact on my mood. It takes allmy strength to manage myself out “there”. Rest assured, you are not alone. It is my hope to shed light, and spread awareness on this extremely difficult condition. Know for certain that at least one person in the world today sees you as extremely brave. Xx

    1. Hello. YES! Those things you listed are spot on. Things other people wouldn’t think twice about. Did you ever read about that study about people with BPD and how they tend to read even neutral facial expressions as negative expressions? It’s really interesting.

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