I’m frustrated. I was doing really well but the past couple of days have been rough. I don’t know why but I’m so irritable.

The other night I was just scared. Like I can feel this monster lurking. I’m fucking 31 and I still need a night light.

I feel like I’m walking on fucking eggshells around this god damn illness and I’m so tired of it. I’m so tired of it getting me. Taking over. Fucking with my head.

It’s fucking relentless and I feel absolutely powerless to this thing.

4 thoughts on “Again!?

  1. Hello Mandi
    This morning I overreacted to a minor problem with a bill; it took me about an hour to calm down from my rage. Sometimes I do not deal with life well yet my life is pretty easy. Your life seems so hard; I’d be more than tied and pissed off if I walked in your shoes.

    Feeling powerless and BPD seem to go together; those I’ve known with it have had childhoods where they have had little control and been unsafe- they grew up powerless and afraid. I often feel powerless in the face of my loved one’s BPD 😦 and I think he does too. Having said that to me it seems that you do retake some power and fight back in healthy ways by researching your diagnosis, seeking professional help, taking meds, talking to others and accepting help plus you help others fight BPD and give hope. I see power in you but understand that you feel broken down by the constant fight that you have said before you don’t believe you can win.

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